Mommy feels ripped off today, like how we pay for the newspaper but our delivery is often overlooked or like when my health insurance refuses to pay for things. It just makes me so mad, thinking about the minimum respect and courtesy, at the very least, I should be afforded as a human being.
All around me, friends are getting their "happy endings" they have always dreamed of. I feel like I can't even go onto the internet or get together with friends without learning of something that makes me feel totally gypped. A friend of mine who was about 8 weeks behind me in her pregnancy just found out yesterday that she is having the girl she has always wanted. She already has a son and now her family is complete. Many other of my close friends are living the same perfect story. Mommy and Daddys dreams came true too when we learned you were the boy we had hoped for but a week later all those dreams we had dreamed came crashing down. When the ultrasound technician told us "there is no heartbeat anymore" we immediately felt like we had been unjustly robbed of the happiness and family that was rightfully ours. I can't help but feel a twinge of that anger again when I hear of others "happy endings."
I do not wish the loss of a child on anyone, I just wish baby's being born could be put on hold for awhile so I can grieve in peace. The cherry on top of this latest news was that one of her top 3 names for her daughter is what I had wanted to name you if you were a girl and what I had hoped to name a daughter in the future. It's not like I ever told her of the name or like she stole it from me but I do feel robbed. Not only have my hopes and dreams literally been "dashed" but now I dont even have the name I love for a possible future daughter. I know I am overreacting and I know it sounds silly but the littlest most insignificant things hurt so deeply nowadays. I wish I wasn't so fragile but I am.