I had lunch with a dear friend today who I have known for about 4 years now. We had been in the habit of meeting for weekly lunches and catching up and the last time I saw her was right before you died. She has called me multiple times since that day and I just haven't had the guts or steady nerves to answer. Finally, we made a lunch date for today and it was so wonderful to see her. We talked around you for quite some time and then she suddenly she looked at my neck and asked "Is that the necklace you got in memory Dash?" Oh my gosh! She said your name! She acknowledged you were a person and loved and wanted, that you were real. I was taken aback as most people do not refer to you by your name, hell most people want to avoid the subject all together. I could have cried and jumped for joy when she actually spoke of you, my son. She admitted that she had no idea what to say to me today, whether to ask questions or completely avoid the subject all together. I so appreciate her honesty and the courage it took her to admit to me that she was clueless as how to approach me. That is what I truly need from all people in my life, for them to come to me and say something to the effect of "I dont know what to say to you or if I should say anything at all but I am so sorry about the loss of your son Dash and I am here if you ever want to talk." Don't try to "fix" it or tell me that you understand how I feel because you cant and you dont.
I also received an email from a friend today that said she saw this quote and immediately thought of me...
"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love becomes a part of us."
I enjoyed every second with you and you are a part of me forever Dash.
Love,
Mommy
I am just stopping by from another blog. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how painful it must be to not have Dash there with you right now. Thank you for writing this, though. It helped me to know the best way to talk with mothers who have just lost a little baby. So thanks. :)
ReplyDeletethe three comments i received from people that meant the most were:
ReplyDelete1. from a close teacher friend the week i returned to school, "it feels wrong not to acknowledge that something terrible happened," b/c i had the headmaster spread the word that i didn't want to talk about kenny at work, otherwise i couldn't do my job or hold myself together.
2. a friend who is going through her own shit right now, separated from her husband, "i'm in a lot of pain right now, but i won't presume to understand the pain you are experiencing. just know that i am here for you."
3. another teacher who didn't want to make me uncomfortable: "i hope this doesn't upset you, but i just wanted to tell you that i have not stopped thinking about you and ken and kenny."
it meant SO much.