The first bill from your birth arrived today. It has been 2 months and 1 day since you left my belly, I knew it was coming but wish I would have been prepared. The bill is from the pathology lab which was supposed to run the tests we requested on your placenta, umbilical cord and on mommys blood. We found out about a month ago that they "unfortunately" made an error and the correct tests were not done. Would the test have given us answer to our whys? Maybe. But now we will never know because someone who doesn't take their job seriously or is completely incompetent was put in charge of our lab work and they screwed it up. We only had one shot, one small window for the tests and it is long gone.
There are so many things about our experience that make me so angry inside. I hold onto them as more fuel to my grief fire. Things I would have wished for other than never having to go through laboring with my dead son would be:
-One nurse assigned to me on each shift who knew my situation
-A competent social worker who wouldn't have just handed us a packet on grief resources and told us "you will have more kids someday and you'll move on"
-Offers of bereavement services from the hospital. Instead of this, we had to nag the nurses to get in touch with the appropriate resources.
-A different delivering doctor. One that would have not treated you like a specimen but like the son you were to us. One that would not have blinked an eye when asked to sign your death certificate, then we could have had you cremated immediately, instead you sat in the morgue for over a week because of one signature that the doctor was too lazy to do.
These are just a few of the situations that still anger and hurt me so deeply. But I do want to acknowledge the "diamonds in the rough" that made the process somewhat bearable. My night nurse Judy who checked in on me and sat to listen to me cry and talk. She is the one who took you to the nursery to get your foot and hand prints done and who wrapped you up in a nice warm blanket just your size. She was our guardian angel. Also, the funeral home who was willing to do everything possible to obtain our delivering doctors signature so they could proceed with the cremation. They called us daily with updates and explained everything to us just like we were family. For them I am so grateful.
There will always be those who treat their job as just that, a job. But there are those few special people who are willing to go out of their way, above and beyond to make anothers nightmare more bearable and for these kind hearted people I am so grateful.