Wednesday, June 23, 2010

The first bill...

The first bill from your birth arrived today. It has been 2 months and 1 day since you left my belly, I knew it was coming but wish I would have been prepared. The bill is from the pathology lab which was supposed to run the tests we requested on your placenta, umbilical cord and on mommys blood. We found out about a month ago that they "unfortunately" made an error and the correct tests were not done. Would the test have given us answer to our whys? Maybe. But now we will never know because someone who doesn't take their job seriously or is completely incompetent was put in charge of our lab work and they screwed it up. We only had one shot, one small window for the tests and it is long gone.
There are so many things about our experience that make me so angry inside. I hold onto them as more fuel to my grief fire. Things I would have wished for other than never having to go through laboring with my dead son would be:
-Compassionate nurses
-One nurse assigned to me on each shift who knew my situation
-A competent social worker who wouldn't have just handed us a packet on grief resources and told us "you will have more kids someday and you'll move on"
-Offers of bereavement services from the hospital. Instead of this, we had to nag the nurses to get in touch with the appropriate resources.
-A different delivering doctor. One that would have not treated you like a specimen but like the son you were to us. One that would not have blinked an eye when asked to sign your death certificate, then we could have had you cremated immediately, instead you sat in the morgue for over a week because of one signature that the doctor was too lazy to do.

These are just a few of the situations that still anger and hurt me so deeply. But I do want to acknowledge the "diamonds in the rough" that made the process somewhat bearable. My night nurse Judy who checked in on me and sat to listen to me cry and talk. She is the one who took you to the nursery to get your foot and hand prints done and who wrapped you up in a nice warm blanket just your size. She was our guardian angel. Also, the funeral home who was willing to do everything possible to obtain our delivering doctors signature so they could proceed with the cremation. They called us daily with updates and explained everything to us just like we were family. For them I am so grateful.

There will always be those who treat their job as just that, a job. But there are those few special people who are willing to go out of their way, above and beyond to make anothers nightmare more bearable and for these kind hearted people I am so grateful.


  1. I'm sorry your whole hospital experience was not a good one. When I hear stories like that, it makes me sad for people who had to go through more stuff like insensitive Dr.'s and nurses at the same time as everything else. It's not like we weren't going through enough anyways!

    We have gotten all the bills we are going to get for Bailey. Everyone has been paid except the hospital and my Dr.'s office. And both of those will get payments, because I'm not tapping into savings to pay them off, when I have nothing to show for it.

  2. I'm so sorry you didn't have better people surrounding you. They have no idea what an impact they are making good and bad. Thank goodness you had nurse Judy. Certain people do enter our lives when we need them the most don't they?
    We are fortunate that we don't have to deal with the bills, free health care, but still I had requested a private room so I have a bill for $44 dollars. I haven't paid it yet, I don't want to. I'm on my third notice. I'm ignoring it. I just can't do it.

  3. My bills came in last week and I just about lost it. Because of the testing and stuff, I owe over $2k out of pocket. It literally would have been cheaper to have a live birth. I find that so effed up. I just can't get over the fact that I have to pay that much money to have a dead child. I was only in the hospital 24 hours and had no complications with delivery. Honestly, if I knew it was going to cost that much, I would have just had her at home...

    Sorry for the rant. I'm just pissed about it. :(

  4. the whole situation is just wrong. hospitals are always out to make a profit, even when you're experiencing the worst thing that could happen. but i am appalled every time i hear about someone having a hospital experience like this. WHY are hospitals and doctors and nurses not better trained (or have more common sense!) to care for couples losing a baby? the one thing i was grateful for when i left the hospital was that every nurse who walked into my room was wonderful, and my own OB who was not on call that weekend and could very well have left us to whomever was on duty, stayed with us. it meant so much to me that i wrote them thank-you notes, and my mother delivered some goodies to them that both she and i had made. one of the nurses even friended me on facebook.

    i'm glad you at least had judy.

  5. I am so sorry for your Loss.

    My name is Cris, and I'm just starting to read your story.
    I lost my son at eleven weeks, had him at home and cradled him in my arms. It was hard, I had him in my bedroom on the floor. And Everytime I walk by where I held him I break down a little bit. I almost wish I would have had him at the hospital, that way I wouldn't have to walk by the spot everyday.

    I mold trees for bereaved mothers and would love to mold a tree and carve Dash's name into it. If you'd like that. I think it would help.

    Just let me know, I'd be glad to do it.