"That day" is fast approaching. The one I was looking forward to, your due date, your birthday. I have been keeping my mind busy but as September nears I start to panic. I should be 8 1/2 months pregnant and finishing up your nursery, having baby showers and talking about how excited and nervous I am for you. Instead I get to sit in misery wondering how on earth I will keep it together on your day, September 29, 2010. Big sister Addison's birthday is September 30, I will need to be happy for her but I do fear that for many years to come, her birthday will always be overshadowed by my sadness of losing you.
What is is with dates that get us? I miss you dearly every day but certain days are just harder, the numerical date is so significant. I stopped counting how many weeks pregnant I would be, it was just plain depressing. I do still mourn on the 22nd of every month, another month away from when I held you in my arms. With each passing day it gets harder and easier at the same time. Its such a hard emotion to explain but one thing I do know for sure is that I love you Dashy!
it is perplexing, isn't it? "gets harder and easier at the same time." august was the month i had wanted to skip, and i'm glad it's almost over. not that that will make september any easier, because this one fact will never change: our sons should be here with us.
ReplyDeleteseptember 30 is my birthday. september 29 i'm going to see a perinatologist. it will be a rough week for me, but i promise i'll think of dash.
I've been wondering about the date thing too. I miss Jacob every single day, I cry most days, but I'm just dreading Jacob's due date on October 14th. Sept 1 is 3 months, October 1 is 4 months. I feel sick just thinking about them. But everyday is one day further away from him, so why do those days both bother me so much?
ReplyDeleteMy son died 10 days before my daughter's 3rd birthday (I was 23 weeks - emergency surgery - he was stillborn). I needed to celebrate for her and yet I was in so much pain. I'm glad we did - she lost a little brother just as we lost a son. We have planned a special trip for our due date (Thanksgiving Day). I can't imagine what I will feel like. I send you love and support as you grieve this unimaginable loss.
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