Footprints

I so badly wish that I had your little footprints, how my heart would leap with joy. I have pictures, many of your feet and hands but looking at those, at your still body, it hurts every fiber of my being, brings back all the tremendous pain I felt that day. I know that nurse Judy tried so hard to get a hand or footprint for mommy, she knew how badly I wanted one. She brought you back to my bedside and showed me the smudges and imprints she was able to get. Knowing what they are mean a lot to me but if I wasn't told I would have no idea what those small black smudges are. I know why she couldn't get a clear print, I know that your hands and feet were so delicate, she didnt want to "hurt" you, didn't want to scare mommy if something went wrong. I wish I could stare in wonder at you again, how perfectly you were formed, how tiny you were, how much joy you brought me. I want to snuggle you my baby, close to mommy forever and ever.