I'm thinking about you tonight Dash, as I always do around this time. I wish I was having late night talks with you, feeling your kicks, your hiccups and your movements in my belly. I feel very alone, as if my pain is somehow completely mine to endure and no one will ever be able to take it away. I try to be happy, I so badly want to feel sincere joy again but without you even the thought of it is distant. Daily I find little reminders of you throughout the house that catch me by surprise. Today it was the drying flowers from all of the beautiful bouquets we were sent after we lost you. I had tucked them away on a shelf and suddenly came face to face with the dried petals. I feel like we lost you so long ago as if in a different lifetime. Where are you now my baby? Mommy wants to hold you close but until that day I hold you in my heart.
"Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do"
I had to get rid of the wilting flowers we had all over the house tonight too. I loved receiving flowers after we lost Stevie, but having to throw them away tonight was really painful. Dash is such a beautiful name by the way. Xoxo
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