A new addition

*As most of my followers are fellow baby loss moms, I just want to put a disclaimer that in this post pregnancy is mentioned*
Hi Baby,
Mommy has been thinking about you so much lately, life is so busy right now but reminders of you are still around every turn. Mommy has some exciting news for you my love...You are going to be a big brother! Oh how I wish I could dress you up in a cute little onesie that said "Big Brother" or hold you and Addison and celebrate together. At least I can come here though and share with you something that is so closely connected to you.
Since finding out, I have been terrified nonstop. What if something happens again, what would I do? Would I completely lose my mind? To grieve like that again, I just cannot imagine. I hate feeling powerless when it comes to my children but that is just how I feel. I am doing everything in my power to grow a healthy baby, just like I did with you and Addison but sometimes God has other plans. Please God let your plan for our family be for this baby to arrive safely, screaming and kicking the whole way out.
I love you Dashy, more and more each day.
Love,
Mommy

Love You

Oh my love, my son. I miss you dearly tonight. I feel you all around me <3
Love,
Mommy

Oh how I feel the same

No Choice
by Wendy Plumley

My eyes are swollen
beyond capacity
from unshed tears.
My heart is numb
and I am broken
from one
too many blows.


I refuse the pain,
and therefore
dare not cry,
lest I dissipate
in the salty torrent
of anguish,
without hope of
ever resurfacing.


Gasping for air,
I must fight
the towering
waves of grief
that threaten
to engulf me.
For once so lost
it is impossible
to return.


No cut
or wound
could hurt
more deeply
than this
devastating
loss.


So understand
I do not cry,
because she needs me.
My body will cling
to a precarious sanity
and remain,
though my soul
has long fled
this treacherous world
because I need him.


A mother, torn in two.


In the author's words:
The above poem was written for a mother who struggles to remain in this world for her young daughter, whilst all the time dreadfully missing her son.

Wish you were there

I missed you this weekend sweetie. It was Popi's wedding and I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like with you there. I love you.

Jesus Has a Rocking Chair

"He takes the place of Mom and Dad, He's the best parent a child could have...Don't worry about the children, Jesus has a rocking chair..."

Prayer for today:
"Lord, am I supposed to hurt this much? My arms ache to hold and rock my child. I miss my precious baby. Will my lifes song always be so sad? Meet me where I am today and encourage me with Your truth. You are my song of hope. It's comforting to imagine that You could be holding my child in Your arms. Right now, I need You to hold me. Wrap Your arms of peace around me and rock away my fears. Put a new song in my mouth. Amen."

Excerpt from "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" by Kathe Wunnenberg

14 months today baby and it doesn't get easier missing you <3

Heaven

Thinking about you today, you and baby Logan. Logans mommy asked me yesterday what I thought you two were up to in Heaven and I find that I often wonder the same. Whenever I think of you I see a smiling face and can tell that you are laughing. I know you are safe, happy and pain free. Mommy is comforted to know this but it doesnt make me miss you any less. I would have cared for you so deeply and with such love, I cant understand why I wasn't given that chance. Someday when my work is done here, we will smile and laugh together in Heaven, I know this much is true.

Poem

Wrote this for you tonight baby, it came so easily. I guess that is what grief does to us. I miss you every day in everything I do. I know that someday I will hold you in my arms again.

Missing you isn't easy
Loving you breaks my heart
Without you here beside me my life falls apart

Dreams of holding you
I hear your giggles in my sleep
Your smiling face with love so deep

Where can Mommy go
To hide from the pain of losing you
Oh dear baby do you miss Mommy too

My heart aches for you
To feel you breathing against my chest
Why God have I been chosen for this test

Missing you isn't easy
Loving you breaks my heart
Without you here beside me my life falls apart