tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80965691294333379992024-02-19T00:01:23.012-08:00remembering DashLetters to Dash...loved more than words and missed beyond measure.The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.comBlogger67125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-74028163961294856862012-09-07T16:19:00.001-07:002012-09-07T16:19:06.986-07:00I know you are with me today baby boy and my heart leaps thinking of your sweet face. I am working and immunization clinic today and have had 3 people that I believe you sent especially to me on this day.<br />1. Woman who just had back surgery and was sporting a butterfly brace.<br />2. A sweet man with your birthday <3<br />3. A woman who's son in law is the minister who came to visit us in the hospital when you died. Seriously what are the chances?<br /><br />I love you so much my dear boy and feel so blessed to still receive brief visits from your spirit when I need them most.<br /><br />Love, <br />Mommy<br /><br />- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone<br /><p class='blogpress_location'>Location:<a href='http://maps.google.com/maps?q=Visits&z=10'>Visits</a></p>The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-72539166258868365202012-08-26T08:05:00.001-07:002012-08-26T08:05:22.325-07:00Prayers<div style="text-align: center;">
"I pray that you are happy,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as happy as can be.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I often wake up worrying, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that you're crying out for me."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://exhaleliterarymagazine.stillstandingmag.com/2012/08/still-standings-poetry-sunday-sweet-jaden-by-tanya-baranoski/">Quoted from Still Standing's Poetry Sunday</a></div>
The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-13152832934810806052012-08-24T16:58:00.001-07:002012-08-24T16:58:53.409-07:00Always in that piece of my heart that left with you, a burning lonely ache. I miss you.<br /><br />Eyes adoring big sister Addison, little brother Silas and the life that radiates in their smiles. I miss you.<br /><br />Hugs, kisses, first days of school, bedtime stories, secrets, fingerpaints, bubble baths. I miss you.<br /><br />Arms that hug, fingers that tickle, ears that hear joyous squeals and late night cries. I miss you.<br /><br />For that hospital bed, that silence, that tiny urn, they are not the end of you, only the beginning of a life without you. I miss you.<br /><br /><br />The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-26307520689938074202012-05-15T18:36:00.000-07:002012-05-15T18:37:36.033-07:00Missing YouI miss you baby. I look at your little brother in my arms and wonder what you would have been like. My pregnancy with you seems like a dream now, a memory that slips further away with each passing day. It hurts so much, my love for you is for always. Goodnight baby boy <3<br />
-MommyThe Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-89408583646265960602012-04-19T21:01:00.003-07:002012-04-19T21:14:03.976-07:00Approaching curvesHi baby,<br />I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and still think of you each day. Most days I can imagine you with happiness inside, so proud that I was able to carry you and that I have the honor of being your mommy for the rest of my life. Other days, like today, I think of you and tears fall, my heart aches with emptiness. 2 years ago tomorrow marks the day we were told we had lost you, that your heart was no longer beating and we would never get to bring you home. I get sick to my stomach just thinking of that morning. The silence of the fetal doppler, 3 different nurses trying to find your heartbeat, the "just to be safe" ultrasound and then your still little body nestled in mommys tummy. I've never cried and screamed so much in my life, that day and the following days in the hospital were days I wish I never had to live, wish I could forget and at the same time want to remember forever. For those were my last days with you. I keep reliving those hours of holding your little body and being so amazed and yet so completely shattered, I felt like that couldn't be my life. I dont know how I ever let the nurses take you that night, I think it was a mixture of emotional and physical exhaustion and by the grace of God that I was able to physically let you go. Thinking back on it, I don't know that I could do that again, knowing that would be the last time I would ever hold you or look at your little hands and feet or give you sweet kisses while rocking you and singing you lullabyes. A day of so many firsts and so many lasts.<br />Your little brother will be arriving any day now and as he kicks in my belly I just pray and hope that we will get to bring him home, that I will never have to face pain like I did with losing you. I love you so much dear child, I will be sending up birthday wishes to heaven on Sunday, celebrate big ok? You are so loved.<br />Love,<br />Your MommyThe Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-30234806428747097572011-10-16T03:15:00.001-07:002011-10-16T03:16:07.818-07:00Torn HeartSitting down to blog I know what I want to say but I'm not sure who I want to say it to; You? Baby Squishy? Me?<br /><br />The past 12 weeks have been an emotional roller coaster. The fear of losing this new precious life inside me, the saddness that I feel when I think of how far away I feel from you Dashy, the anger I feel all over again that you were <br />taken from me, and of course the excitement of thinking what joy will come if/when I hold another wriggling, screaming, breathing, ALIVE baby in my arms. <br />If/when...every thought is plagued with the possibility that such a dream won't come true. That this baby won't make it either, this baby's heart will stop and nothing but silent tears will follow.<br />I heard a beautiful song on my Christian Radio channel this morning titled "All of Me" by Matt Hammitt. He is actually the lead singer of Sanctus Real and he and his wife are parents of a stillborn daughter. Maybe that's why it struck something so deep within me.<br />The opening verse so beautifully puts into song the struggles I feel:<br />"Afraid to love, something that could break. Could I move on, if you were torn away."<br /><br />I love the life growing inside me, I also know how quickly it can be taken away... So I have decided to live day by day, enjoy my beautiful baby while his/ her life is inside me. Each day baby and I have together, I praise God. For this wonderful gift I have been blessed with, I am so thankful!<br /><br />Friday was my NT scan. I was of course nervous but excited to see how much baby has grown since my 9 week ultrasound. I stared at the screen and fell in love all over again. As we watched babies heart beating, I realized the song on the overhead speaker was Journey: "Don't Stop Believing." And believe me baby Squishy I will never stop believing that I will hold you in my arms, alive and perfect. And I will never stop believing that I will be with you in Heaven someday Dashy <3 <br />Love you,<br />Mommy<br /><br /> 12 weeks 2 days<br /><br /><br /><br /><center><a href='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/show_photo.php?p=11/10/16/453.jpg'><img src='http://photo.blogpressapp.com/photos/11/10/16/s_453.jpg' border='0' width='210' height='281' style='margin:5px'></a></center><br /><br /><br /><br />The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-58844345882223706802011-09-16T12:10:00.001-07:002011-09-16T12:20:41.445-07:00A new addition*As most of my followers are fellow baby loss moms, I just want to put a disclaimer that in this post pregnancy is mentioned*<br />Hi Baby,<br />Mommy has been thinking about you so much lately, life is so busy right now but reminders of you are still around every turn. Mommy has some exciting news for you my love...You are going to be a big brother! Oh how I wish I could dress you up in a cute little onesie that said "Big Brother" or hold you and Addison and celebrate together. At least I can come here though and share with you something that is so closely connected to you.<br />Since finding out, I have been terrified nonstop. What if something happens again, what would I do? Would I completely lose my mind? To grieve like that again, I just cannot imagine. I hate feeling powerless when it comes to my children but that is just how I feel. I am doing everything in my power to grow a healthy baby, just like I did with you and Addison but sometimes God has other plans. Please God let your plan for our family be for this baby to arrive safely, screaming and kicking the whole way out.<br />I love you Dashy, more and more each day.<br />Love,<br />MommyThe Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-10407914943905879112011-08-13T22:48:00.000-07:002011-08-13T22:50:45.463-07:00Love YouOh my love, my son. I miss you dearly tonight. I feel you all around me <3
<br />Love,
<br />Mommy
<br />
<br />The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-82309971056220266562011-06-28T09:02:00.000-07:002011-06-28T09:03:26.685-07:00Oh how I feel the same<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">No Choice</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">by Wendy Plumley</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">My eyes are swollen</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">beyond capacity</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">from unshed tears.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">My heart is numb</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">and I am broken</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">from one</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">too many blows.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">I refuse the pain,</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">and therefore</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">dare not cry,</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">lest I dissipate</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">in the salty torrent</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">of anguish,</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">without hope of</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">ever resurfacing.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">Gasping for air,</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">I must fight</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">the towering</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">waves of grief</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">that threaten</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">to engulf me.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">For once so lost</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">it is impossible</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">to return.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">No cut</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">or wound</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">could hurt</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">more deeply</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">than this</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">devastating</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">loss.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">So understand</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">I do not cry,</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">because she needs me.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">My body will cling</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">to a precarious sanity</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">and remain,</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">though my soul</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">has long fled</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">this treacherous world</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">because I need him.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);">A mother, torn in two.</span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);"></span></span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;">In the author's words:</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: 85%;">The above poem was written for a mother who struggles to remain in this world for her young daughter, whilst all the time dreadfully missing her son.</span></div>The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-50082052494074318422011-06-27T07:45:00.000-07:002011-06-27T07:46:39.193-07:00Wish you were thereI missed you this weekend sweetie. It was Popi's wedding and I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like with you there. I love you.The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-12134084369226018122011-06-22T17:27:00.000-07:002011-06-22T17:35:25.247-07:00Jesus Has a Rocking Chair"He takes the place of Mom and Dad, He's the best parent a child could have...Don't worry about the children, Jesus has a rocking chair..."<br /><br />Prayer for today:<br />"<span style="font-style: italic;">Lord, am I supposed to hurt this much? My arms ache to hold and rock my child. I miss my precious baby. Will my lifes song always be so sad? Meet me where I am today and encourage me with Your truth. You are my song of hope. It's comforting to imagine that You could be holding my child in Your arms. Right now, I need You to hold me. Wrap Your arms of peace around me and rock away my fears. Put a new song in my mouth. Amen."<br /><br /></span>Excerpt from "Grieving the Child I Never Knew" by Kathe Wunnenberg<span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />14 months today baby and it doesn't get easier missing you <3<br /></span>The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-45738231544578532932011-06-08T12:16:00.000-07:002011-06-08T12:19:06.049-07:00HeavenThinking about you today, you and baby Logan. Logans mommy asked me yesterday what I thought you two were up to in Heaven and I find that I often wonder the same. Whenever I think of you I see a smiling face and can tell that you are laughing. I know you are safe, happy and pain free. Mommy is comforted to know this but it doesnt make me miss you any less. I would have cared for you so deeply and with such love, I cant understand why I wasn't given that chance. Someday when my work is done here, we will smile and laugh together in Heaven, I know this much is true.The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-73905990970493938352011-06-01T19:55:00.000-07:002011-06-01T20:05:37.684-07:00PoemWrote this for you tonight baby, it came so easily. I guess that is what grief does to us. I miss you every day in everything I do. I know that someday I will hold you in my arms again.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Missing you isn't easy<br />Loving you breaks my heart<br />Without you here beside me my life falls apart<br /><br />Dreams of holding you<br />I hear your giggles in my sleep<br />Your smiling face with love so deep<br /><br />Where can Mommy go<br />To hide from the pain of losing you<br />Oh dear baby do you miss Mommy too<br /><br />My heart aches for you<br />To feel you breathing against my chest<br />Why God have I been chosen for this test<br /><br />Missing you isn't easy<br />Loving you breaks my heart<br />Without you here beside me my life falls apart<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-15985292568477774442011-05-26T21:24:00.001-07:002011-05-26T21:28:48.071-07:00Orange CarYour sister Addison and I were in the backyard yesterday. Your beautiful butterfly garden just brightens it up. She kept telling me "MY garden. ADDISON'S garden." I reminded her that no it is Dashys garden. Finally we agreed that it could be for the both of you (after all she does help take care of it :D )She said "Ok mommy, we share." I asked her, as I do from time to time, "Where is Dashy?" She told me "He's coming mommy, in orange car." I'm keeping my eyes open for that car baby, wave to mommy when you go by <3...Love you.<br />xoxo,<br />MommyThe Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-12509765151204389642011-05-05T19:31:00.000-07:002011-05-05T19:33:27.490-07:00New FriendHi Dashy,<br />A new friend came to meet you in heaven this week. His mommy misses him dearly. Please watch over him, show him the ropes and help to dry his mommys tears. I love you so much and your death hits me like a ton of bricks today when I hear of such a dear friend losing her son too. We love you boys <3<br />MommyThe Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-53108616734408088152011-04-22T12:29:00.000-07:002011-04-22T12:35:18.038-07:00BirthdayHappy 1st Birthday Dashy! We love you sooooooo much!The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-18802126641468740952011-04-20T23:21:00.000-07:002011-04-20T23:22:23.393-07:00Worst Day Of My Life<h6 class="uiStreamMessage" ft="{"type":"msg"}"><span class="messageBody">A year ago today we heard the silence of the ultrasound room and saw our son peacefully gone to Heaven. It was the worst day of my life and this last year has been a daily struggle. We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family who have helped us move forward when we couldn't do it ourselves anymore ♥ Today I celebrate all of you!</span></h6>The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-24292142888454085452011-04-14T19:54:00.000-07:002011-04-14T20:13:53.061-07:00Our Visit With PatchesPatches The Bear arrived on Monday and has been such a joy, doing just what his creator hoped; filling in the missing pieces of our hearts. If you dont know about Patches please visit: <a href="http://patchesthebear.blogspot.com/">http://patchesthebear.blogspot.com/</a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAsPWXLVUAbnc3vMF6HMBhEeAHDIK-WNnEdtJsOOz6dn_iKNyWw86gMghW8auUmrUI29fzgpRQyWEKNCqTRKjMjjMmnIJP4a-Gfc3LPCoH7g-nLl25bcKjwEwp6nefyRSzXSDJZJa_0heb/s1600/IMG_7041.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAsPWXLVUAbnc3vMF6HMBhEeAHDIK-WNnEdtJsOOz6dn_iKNyWw86gMghW8auUmrUI29fzgpRQyWEKNCqTRKjMjjMmnIJP4a-Gfc3LPCoH7g-nLl25bcKjwEwp6nefyRSzXSDJZJa_0heb/s320/IMG_7041.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595641850842531234" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Addison immediately claimed him as her own and I didn't object, it was so cute to see her so excited.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSa_YdATYxL19O0ar6Zjz7wqv5HR7rd5S3pTidgsmOCsgqWH0sVjXuQCPCdqEzuxf-XF77noAwDsPGYYEOE4ljWIOtX7yMfnpJ0iclwDgTQbc07KcbJhSJR0usRfJsNHeyesQJcukzBZQ/s1600/IMG_7040.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSSa_YdATYxL19O0ar6Zjz7wqv5HR7rd5S3pTidgsmOCsgqWH0sVjXuQCPCdqEzuxf-XF77noAwDsPGYYEOE4ljWIOtX7yMfnpJ0iclwDgTQbc07KcbJhSJR0usRfJsNHeyesQJcukzBZQ/s320/IMG_7040.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595641582883886274" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />I was expecting him to be a full size teddy bear and was surprised when I opened up his package and found a pocket sized bundle of love! He is perfect though, just the size of Dash's urn which is where he sits tonight. The first thing I noticed other than his size though was that he looked strangely familiar, like I had held him before. Then I realized he is "patched up" just like an "angel bunny" I received from an organization after Dash's death. The bunny has had a place on Dashy's shelf since it arrived and it turns out Patches and Angel Bunny are actually made by the same company...crazy!<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz6SHRP71SoJApOnSpLhpZd-Sp9TrDk9UVDwewhc5_8o3XpAvSlOi59cGU5xR5yGPiBOgosDuDQQmQ5PWmfLjVPie2UeaOtkB9_CFpwTYe-cYnCpu4L366u7aqHYL_-H1vjq57AiEnRt-8/s1600/IMG_7074.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz6SHRP71SoJApOnSpLhpZd-Sp9TrDk9UVDwewhc5_8o3XpAvSlOi59cGU5xR5yGPiBOgosDuDQQmQ5PWmfLjVPie2UeaOtkB9_CFpwTYe-cYnCpu4L366u7aqHYL_-H1vjq57AiEnRt-8/s320/IMG_7074.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595641311183688066" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Patches arrival time was perfect, this month is hard and I feel Dash everywhere. It hurts my heart and it is definitely in need of some patching. Yesterday Addison and I danced around the house with more joy than I know I have had in a long time and Patches was right in the middle of it, Dash's spirit making me beam :)<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_pQvKzYqQR8AVnZaky-tvadKFcyXd-KLhBevE2oT3yVVG7thLh9RcxKQNpIfYQAIc5N-u88ks5oeTtfnoaX_-ehTXHgq4QP_HVc8XAooCPKyvkjvVLLg85OSPNrYys7eyybcGZv0lPKE/s1600/IMG_7070.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe_pQvKzYqQR8AVnZaky-tvadKFcyXd-KLhBevE2oT3yVVG7thLh9RcxKQNpIfYQAIc5N-u88ks5oeTtfnoaX_-ehTXHgq4QP_HVc8XAooCPKyvkjvVLLg85OSPNrYys7eyybcGZv0lPKE/s320/IMG_7070.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595642495128992978" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Thank you Patches for all that you have done for me and all that you will continue to do for other broken hearted mommy and daddys.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwcoXPL0FHY4xOU7OUuOhukxRtRqdda3kcRjf2O1hQ51h6l5TmwLmwpuwAZoL2-ANvIfUuqaI5E8_80ETnV-khn-_OVEKydA1v0k-szytKSXIAqcXqiTIzjRI__XqeDR1hGxqZ3CYvPLLP/s1600/IMG_7072.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwcoXPL0FHY4xOU7OUuOhukxRtRqdda3kcRjf2O1hQ51h6l5TmwLmwpuwAZoL2-ANvIfUuqaI5E8_80ETnV-khn-_OVEKydA1v0k-szytKSXIAqcXqiTIzjRI__XqeDR1hGxqZ3CYvPLLP/s320/IMG_7072.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595643106322871618" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /></div>The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-12352184845501473492011-04-04T18:26:00.000-07:002011-04-04T18:28:40.772-07:00Approaching Curve16 days until I heard the silence of the ultrasound room. 17 days until I checked into L&D for the most emotionally wrenching experience of my life. 18 days until we said hello and goodbye, your first birthday. Oh I miss you my love. I feel like I held you yesterday, snuggled you close, just you and me in that moment were all that mattered. I love you I love you I love you.The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-4944556571433332012011-03-18T18:33:00.000-07:002011-03-18T18:38:16.208-07:001st BirthdayDash's birthday is just about a month away and I am at a loss of how exactly to memoralize it. For my due date I did a balloon release and it was very emotional and therapeutic, it really helped relieve all the built up anxiety I had approaching that day. His birthday though, the day we said hello and goodbye, seems like a different sort of event. It wasn't a hypothetical day in the future but the here and now, a day that will forever be his. I just want to reach out and ask other angel baby mommys what they did for their childs first birthday...<br />One thing I know I want to do is get a candle that will be lit every year on his birthday. Other than that I am at a complete loss.The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-13748171779978895782011-03-11T19:32:00.000-08:002011-03-11T19:39:13.641-08:00Memories To Say HelloI saw this poem on a fellow baby loss mamas blog tonight and it struck a chord with me, I just cried at it's truthfulness and honesty...<br /><strong><br /></strong><br /><strong>A Song for Daniel, Stillborn</strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><div style="text-align: left;">by Jean Felice Eilbert (his mother)<br /><br /></div><div align="center"> </div>When I held you in my arms that day<br />Born so still, born anyway<br />How was I to know to say goodbye?<br />No one knew just what to do<br />Except tell me I'd get over you<br />As if forgetting makes it all untrue -- a lie<br /><br />But I remember to remember<br />I can't forget just to forget<br /><span>Your memories are a part of me</span><br /><span>Connecting me to what comes next.</span><br /><br />And even after all this while<br />I think of you, sometimes I smile<br />Memories of my unknown child, fade slow.<br />I've held you in my heart each day<br />Life so short, life anyway<br />Memories are meant to say hello.<br />*****************************************<br />I've been thinking of you lots lately baby, as if thats something new huh? I feel like I often wonder my days away with all the "what ifs." Wondering what you would look like looking into my eyes, what the sound of your belly laugh would be, if you would like me to hold you close and rock you to sleep, would you be sitting up? Crawling? Eating solids? The unknowns just kill me inside, all those things you never got to do, the things I never got to do <span style="font-style: italic;">with</span> you.<br /> Miss you, love you...<br />MommyThe Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-60605464996717300322011-02-23T23:31:00.000-08:002011-02-23T23:40:34.192-08:00Days and HoursHi baby...<br />I was thinking today how I used to know exactly how many days and hours it had been since your birth. Every Tuesday morning I relived the appointment that changed my life and from there the horrible days of labor that followed. As time has gone on, knowing which hour I'm in without you isnt all consuming, I smile at least once a day and sometimes I even laugh and live freely. Truth is though that at the end of every day, here I lay, a mommy without her baby. And for the rest of my life it will be so. A mother without her child, a broken heart that will never again be right. I love you my Dash, my baby boy never far from my thoughts and always in my heart.<br />Love,<br />Your MommyThe Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-1019502827645675142011-02-18T19:13:00.000-08:002011-02-18T19:14:37.036-08:00Nothing More Than...<div style="text-align: center;">I Miss You<br /></div>The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-50326876300074781782011-01-11T20:32:00.001-08:002011-01-11T20:42:28.858-08:00No PlansI feel like a horrible person for some of the thoughts I have nowadays. Most recently though I torture myself by looking at Facebook posts and blogs of my mommy friends that are expecting their second baby. They post belly pics, name ideas, ultrasounds and finished nurserys. All I can think is "well I hope your baby doesn't die before it's born like mine did." I can't help but feel guilty for having these feelings but the loss of my living, breathing, moving baby has opened my eyes to all of the terrible things that <span style="font-style: italic;">can</span> happen in this world. No matter how much faith or love you have or how much you want your baby, we are all equally susceptible to losing them and with them a part of ourselves. One day when I become pregnant again, I will not be finding out the sex or picking a name or really doing much with a nursery. I will love the living child within me and let the rest fall into place. I will not worry about superficial aspects, just focus on the amazing miracle I have. I will enjoy everyday I have with my baby regardless of what tomorrow may bring for in that moment I have my child.<br /><br />I love you Dash, this month is hard as a year ago I found out I was pregnant with you. This month you would be 4 months old, God had different plans though and I am learning to live my life as it is not what I hoped it would be. Hugs and Kisses <3The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8096569129433337999.post-2214361718882692452010-12-30T22:08:00.001-08:002010-12-30T22:36:18.892-08:00LiteratureReading seemed to be the only thing that could calm my mind tonight. I love receiving packages and cards in the mail so even though I could easily go out and buy books, I opt to order them from Amazon just to have something to look forward to in the mail, something to look forward to at all. Within the past week I have received 3 books, two of which I ordered on nights I ached beyond relief for my baby.<br />"Grieving the Child I Never Knew" is a Christian devotional aimed to help one journal through their grief. "Empty Arms" is another Christian book written by a professional counselor and pastors wife. Her words are uplifting and help to put to rest some of the very pressing questions I have had for God.<br />I have also been working on finishing another baby loss book that I ordered shortly after losing Dash; "An Exact Replica Of A Figment Of My Imagination." I decided to finish up the last few chapters in this book tonight after devouring about 150 pages in my "Empty Arms" book. I forgot that back in May when I had finished the majority of the "figment" book, I had highlighted helpful and all too true lines. Reading back on these tonight made me cry, for the things I related with then are still all too true today. I guess I hoped there would be some sort of significant change, that my pain and bitterness would morph into something less depressing. But here I am still crying into my books and wishing things were different...<br /><br />"The love for the first magnifies the love for the second and visa versa."<br /><br />"Lighter things will happen to you, birds will steal your husbands sandwich on the beach, and your child will still be dead."<br /><br />"I felt a strange responsibility to sound as though I were not going mad with sorrow."<br /><br />"I want a book that acknowledges that life goes on but that death goes on, too, that a person who is dead is a long, long story. You move on from it, but the death will never disappear from view. Your friends may say, Time heals all wounds. No, it doesn't, but eventually you'll feel better. You'll be yourself again, Your child will still be dead."<br /><br />"A stillborn child is really only ever his death. He didn't live: that's how he's defined. Once he fades from memory there's little evidence at all, nothing that could turn up, for instance, at a French flea market, or be handed down through the family"<br /><br />"It was very strange to have been so happy so recently, and I felt that if I puzzled it over enough I might be able to find my way back-not to experience it again, of course, but to conjure up the smell on the hem of an article of clothing, to touch in some abstract way something that had innocently, casually touched my happiness, since there would be nothing literal for me to touch."<br /><br />"After the baby died, I told Edward over and over again that I didn't want to forget any of it: the happiness was real, as real as the baby himself, and it would be terrible, unforgivable, to forget it."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"I missed the child we lost and I wanted another and these seemed like two absolutely separate aches."</span><br /><br />"To know that other people were sad made Pudding more real."<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">"But my grief was still fresh, grief lasts longer than sympathy, which is one of the tragedies of the grieving."</span><br /><br />"<span style="font-style: italic;">It happened to me, too</span>, meant: <span style="font-style: italic;">It's not your fault.</span> And <span style="font-style: italic;">You are not a freak of nature. </span>And <span style="font-style: italic;">This does not have to be a secret."</span><br /><br />I hope to read this book again a few months from now, then maybe a year from now to see if I have changed, if anything has changed.The Griegershttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17928452544060203346noreply@blogger.com2