I was thinking today how I used to know exactly how many days and hours it had been since your birth. Every Tuesday morning I relived the appointment that changed my life and from there the horrible days of labor that followed. As time has gone on, knowing which hour I'm in without you isnt all consuming, I smile at least once a day and sometimes I even laugh and live freely. Truth is though that at the end of every day, here I lay, a mommy without her baby. And for the rest of my life it will be so. A mother without her child, a broken heart that will never again be right. I love you my Dash, my baby boy never far from my thoughts and always in my heart.